Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
