If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
