Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Houston, we have a squirter
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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