Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
