You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
