The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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