So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
