so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
