my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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