I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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