Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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