But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
