New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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