I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
