i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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