The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
