I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
