speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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