Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
