woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
