I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
