How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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