he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
