i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
