if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
