I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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