Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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