Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was like eating out sand paper
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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