drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
