Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You were trust falling into bushes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
