I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
