i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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