I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
