i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
