We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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