she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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