She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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