Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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