How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
