I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
