Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
