please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
