i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
