3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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