While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
