You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
