Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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