omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
