I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
