Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
