A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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