As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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