guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
