Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
