so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
